Tandem Cycling.

This year is the year that I’m gonna drain all my pain. People, places, and objects that bring me sadness are no longer allowed. I’m not going to keep “putting my hand on the stove” when I’m trying to avoid being burned. All the negativity and discomfort— it’s all over now.

Sue and Courtney said this to me.

I’ve been getting a lot of people saying things like things like “When did you get so bitter?”, “Why are you so pessimistic lately??”. I kind of feel my personality and my feelings shifting poles. I think a lot of people confuse my gentle, and seemingly hopeful disposition as undying optimism. Just because I don’t bulldoze around bringing a cloud of doom with me everywhere I go doesn’t make me sweet, maybe considerate, but not sweet. I may say most of the things I say kindly, but if you really listen hard, you’ll realize I’m just telling it like it is. I’ve been really obsessed ith the concepts of honesty, openness and candidness lately.

Maybe it’s not so much of a polar shift in attitude. Perhaps I’ve just become more of a realist/pragmatist.

I’ve just learned not to crawl back to people who kick you in the teeth, so to speak. I’ve learned that it’s great to turn the other cheek, but you also need to know when to move on, when to walk away. It’s important to avoid sabotaging yourself by surrounding yourself with people who are more useless than they are useful, and more careless with with relationships than they are careful with them. 

I don’t think it’s that I’m a “bitch”. I think I’ve learned to love and respect myself, ask for what I want, ask for more, give more, say “no”, make suggestions, say “stop”, and express my likes and dislikes when appropriate or relevant. 

• the kitchen is complete! it looks excellent and is as functional as can be
• i looooveeee tiny! i can’t wait to officially adopt him!
• i bought a purple dress at H&M today
• i’m doing my own kinky twists
• i have AMAZING NEW MAKEUP! it’s stila tinted moisturizer and sephora powder
• i love my pilates routine 
• i still hate that dad and stevonner are dating, but i’m not as bloody angry as i used to be
• i really miss mom now, it only gets worse. and sure, i may always be busy, but i always feel bored.  i may have a ton of friends, but i always feel lonely.
• i’ve been teaching courtney to drive a little on the side
• i’m getting a business degree, LOL
• summer school is RIDICULOUSLY boooorrringgg
• i’m addicted to diet coke
• my bee balm (monarda) only has one flower. ONE
• i love it when the house is super clean, it makes me feel super
• the snooks are on vacation, i miss them :[
• i having a cars 2 party for ainsley!
• NEED TO SHAVE LEGS BADLY
• we’re going to cape cod for vacay
• i’ll be in amherst this weekend
• my cousin brittany is in town ;]
• my harry lauder’s walking stick’s leaves turned green… w-whatt!
• my ADHD is actually much much worse than usual
• exhale

no disrespect to the west, true indeed
i rock it to the east, the east is the seed

i’m so angry

I fell in love with this chihuahua named TIny. My Dad and I really want him! But Courtney really wants a dog she can romp with. Idk what to do…

:] But Tiny was so CUTEEE!

i need to watch these shows more:

• modern family
• the big bang theory
• misfits
• desperate housewives

i’m thinking about getting locs